I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
