It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
