I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He kissed a someone with a penis
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
