she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
