What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
