can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
