there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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