this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
