I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
