my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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