just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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