we made out on top of his cat.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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