I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
