Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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