after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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