If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
