Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
ttyl tear gas
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
