I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
