just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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