this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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