He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
