so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
