Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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