I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
