Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
