Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The uberlube is also flammable
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
