is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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