The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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