I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
