I wish they made helmets for livers.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
