what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
