So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
