bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
