I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
