He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
