this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sorry about my life...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
