How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
