she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
