Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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