end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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