Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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