First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
