you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
