Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
