adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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