So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
where does the pee come out of this thing
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
