come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
