So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
