watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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