Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
did i walk over a car last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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