he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
