I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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