The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
